Do I Trust You?

In this season in my life I feel that God is teaching me how to trust him more. In order for me to get through this present situation, I am going to have to trust God with all my heart.
The other day I started talking to God about trust and I asked him, “How do I trust you?” I always thought I knew how to but I noticed that I was operating in anxiety, and frustration, and worry which lead to depression. With all those negative emotions festering on the inside of me, it was impossible for me to trust God with all my heart. I realized that I want trusting God.
When I asked the question “How do you trust?”, I got an answer.
I felt God put the answer in my heart; you have to push aside what you think is right and listen and follow me. That was my “ah ha” moment. My thoughts were getting in the way. I then started to think about my son Micah. I was getting him ready for school one day and I told him to do something that was kind of different from our everyday, usual routine. I wanted to switch things up a little for them and myself. I was trying to get them ready for school easier and quickly so that they could watch one of their favorite cartoons before their school bus arrived. They didn’t know what I had in mind.
When I gave Micah directions he stared at me and started following my directions he stopped and did what came natural; he started doing the old routine. I asked him to follow my directions 3 times and he hesitated everytime. He did not follow my directions. It wasn’t because I talked to fast or that my directions weren’t clear it was because his thoughts were getting in the way of him being able to follow through. My oldest son watched and his face wrinkled as he asked me why  Micah didn’t do what I wanted him to do? I told him that Micah listened to his thoughts and not mine. Crazy right? Well when you think about it people do it everyday. I watched him and I saw the confusion on his face. He was struggling with his thoughts on what to do. This is why some parents need to listen to their children. Some children are not being disrespectful; they have issues with comprehending like we as adults do. I watched my son and I learned something about myself.
I thought trusting in God would be easy, because he’s God. Why not trust in him?  That leads me to ask myself some questions like what do I really think about God and who is he to me? What has he done in my life to make me want to trust him? When I think about how God has been there in my life in many ways, I know that he is qualified to have my whole heart.
Easter was a couple of weeks ago and I had dinner at my house with my family and my in laws. We did an easter egg hunt for the kids. One of my nephews only gathered just a couple of eggs while everyone else had a basket full.  He started crying.  He then went inside the house to take candy off of my centerpiece which had all types of Easter egg goodies on it. Well he took a lollipop and I told him to put it back. He started crying and then I told him that when everyone goes home he could have the lollipop. I wanted my centerpiece to be intact until after the party was over. So my nephew cried and cried and cried. He didn’t believe me the good and sweet and kind aunt that I am, he didn’t believe me. This made me sad.  No matter what I said he just kept crying and crying. I love all of my nieces and nephews. I love my little nephew. He is a great kid.  I wasn’t lying to him, the lollipop really was his. There was nothing that I could do or say to him that would get him to stop crying. He just had to believe that the lollipop was going to be there after everything was over. I tried my best to convince him that it would be there for him but he still cried. My sister (his mom) took him over to the side to talk to him. I just thought to myself, is that how I look to God when God tells me that I have the thing.  Do I cry like that just because it’s not in my view? Wow I have some growing up to do. Here I grow!

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2 thoughts on “Do I Trust You?

  1. Amen! I have some growing to do too, your post got me to thinking and you are right we are so used to doing things our way until change is difficult. But God knows our weaknesses and He will help us through, I too often wonder why it’s so hard for us to trust God! After all of the great and wonderful things He has done for us.
    Love you sister keep up the good work šŸ™ŒšŸ™Œ

    1. Yes Pat, God knows us and he will never leave us. We just have to believe him and give him credit for what he has already done in our lives. And really, God has gone alot for me. I’m glad that you enjoyed my post šŸ™‚

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